i saw her today

The girl with like, two bibles and a crumpled study workbook sprawled across a Starbucks table.
Little multicolored pens speckled that space like confetti. Fitting.. it was a party, after all.
Because I didn't just see a girl neck-deep in good book -- I saw a girl who was just thirsting for a word and a hope. I saw a girl letting her text messages ding and all the people walk by as she stayed focused on the only One who could speak the very message she needs today. She sipped her coffee, and she glanced at the screen, but she boomeranged back to the bound book in front of her, scouring scripture for her treasures, promised.
It wasn't a fellow Christian woman who recognized the hunger of that posture. It was a tired momma, drudging through the thick of it, seeing her and saying "that one is anchored to something right now." 
And in that moment, my heart asked to be anchored, too. It begged me to stop seeking approval and acceptance elsewhere, and just dwell in the warmth of grace and true love. 
I saw her and my heart settled, knowing I had access to the same tranquil appointment.
I saw her and my hope swelled, remembering who I was and why I am here. Telling me that the restlessness is good, because it gives me space to choose and move and live. 
I saw her, and I saw the only place where the weary could rest, and the broken could heal, and the lost could find refuge. 
because in seeing her, I saw Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV


the one who keeps me anchored

he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
James 1:6 NIV

It was coming up on 9:00a.m. when I was actually leaving the house.  My hands were full, the day was packed, and I was running late--as usual.  That's when her text came through:

"Thinking of you this am.  
How are you doing with your morning quiet time 
and making sure you get it in before you leave the house?"

(cue the conviction)

I laughed a bit and thought to myself  "what quiet time?!
then responded with an honest confession of the drying up of my spiritual life.

You just can't deny your thirst to your best friend--the one who knows you, and knows your quietness just as much as your boldness.  Kristen has stood by me through the deepest darkness of my life, and here in the height of my accomplishment and celebration she knew right where to find me; the shadows.


a white flag moment

It's been said, and I've been offended by it -- 
that snarky jab by people saying: 

"Jesus is a crutch."

while I've barked back and stood firm on what strong faith I have -- such an oh-so-righteous and unshakeable faith -- I realized, maybe He is.  

Maybe He is something I lean on, and carry around in order to keep me steady.  

Maybe He is a name I call on when I don't have the answer.  

Maybe He is a tool I use to appear like I have it all together.  


I'm accepting this revelation, but rather than thinking that I've been just been leaning on a Savior, I actually feel like I haven't been doing His Grace any justice at all.  

Because, if we're gonna go there and say my Lord is a crutch, then let's go all the way there.


i quit my job today

'tis true.

After more than twenty years of hard work in the same field I have decided it is time to close that chapter of my life and move forward.  It’s a chapter I’ve truly invested in, whether with time, energy or emotion.  It’s a place where I’ve found comfort and consistency, but also pain and instability.  I’ve worked tens of thousands of hours to succeed, and have not once been celebrated for my achievements.  

And I’m beginning to understand why.

You see, for the past twenty years or so I have worked as a sort of Image-Management Specialist.  Though this is a title I have made up, it’s actually a very common job.


and the broken are loved

I know it's hard to understand faith.

Especially when those who hold it are not living it to the fullest. 

This world is saturated with proud people who strive to earn, and then selfishly hoard an abundance of resources while those in need are left with little. We humans are bitter and angry and jealous, and still live like kings compared to many. We have found a way to justify murder, hate, judgment, exploitation and self-distruction by flowering the reality with logic such as, "you gotta look out for number one."

It's ugly, yes, but the worst thing we can do is judge the Creator based on the failures of His followers. 

Because the best of His children are still works in progress. The worst of His children, forgiven. 

And as incomprehensible as the Lord's ways are, denying His Presence by looking at the fallen world is like someone saying there are no stars because they've only lived in a cave.

For the world's evil does not disprove the goodness of God, but actually sheds light on the presence of sovereign justice. The topic is heavy, the emotion is high, but the talk is worth it.

Being unaware of the stars is one thing, but refusing to even walk outside to see for yourself is quite another..

If you saw someone in a hurricane trying to keep a small candle lit, you'd think they were crazy.. But wouldn't you wonder why on earth they were struggling to do something so seemingly impossible? 

This same kind of struggle is within every believer. 

The rock of unseen faith and the hard place of the world press onto us from both sides each day, because the battle isn't only between us and the nonbeliever, but between our own worldly hearts and a strong sense of the Spirit. And that Spirit wants us to speak more times than we can find courage to.

So when we have a bit of courage, we engage in the plight of running through rabbit holes to answer tough questions about the Bible, while that is simply putting the cart before the horse. And as a result, we fail to appease the critics -- we fall victim to "atheist jukes", image mashups, and good old fashion direct insults.

But still we try to keep that candle lit. 

Because there was only love before anything else, and if we refuse to see that love, we will always miss the point of everything that followed... whether beautiful or tragic.

Faith in that love was meant to set us apart, not set us against.  It was meant to be work and hope and healing in a state of constant refining.  You see, the Bible never said we'd be perfect upon believing, but that we were commanded to strive for Him, because He never stops striving for us.  

His children are blessed.  His lost, sought.  And the broken are loved.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

John 16:33